Saying Goodbye to Our Best Friend
We didn't know this at the time, but as our dreams of RV life were coming true our world as we knew it was about to be shattered. The day we bought the RV we had taken Pearl to our vet for a cluster of seizures she had that morning. We were continually reassured that dogs just sometimes have seizures and that they would watch her for the day and start her on an anti-seizure medication. No big deal, we'd give Pearl her medicine twice a day and I was looking forward to not having to see her seize again. However, Pearl continued to have seizures the rest of the evening and through the night at the ER vets office. After a couple of days of continued seizures despite increases in meds and then eventually immobility our vet had met the extent of his expertise and advised us to take her to Boise to see a specialist. Ryan went down with her first in the RV and I went down the next day because I had to work. Once she had been seen we were given three options: seizures, meningitis, tumor. Naturally, I've been thinking it was a brain tumor back in November when she had her very first seizure. I tend to worry and play worst case scenarios in my head on repeat. But we were constantly being reassured by a few different vets that epilepsy in dogs in common and very rarely caused by tumors or anything else.
Anyway, yesterday was finally the day she went in for an MRI and was one of the darkest days in my life. She was scheduled for an MRI and a spinal tap at 1pm so we got to the vet early so we could see her and hold her before everything and it turns out they could get her in early. I was thankful because we'd finally have answers. It was exactly one week since her cluster seizures and 3 days after her 7th birthday. Of course, looking back I wish we would've had more time with her beforehand because that would be the last time we saw her awake. We anticipated that it would take a while because MRIs are not fast and neither are spinal taps but after only an hour and half we got the call to come back in. I knew that meant it was either really good or really bad. I prepared for the worst but I don't think there was anything I could do to prepare for THIS news. Dr. O'Neill came informed us that Pearl did, in fact, have a tumor. A glioma in her occipital area that was so large it was causing her brain to herniate which is why she wasn't moving. My worst fear, there was nothing we could do. They brought us back where she was still under anesthesia and we got so sit with her, love on her, and then told her goodbye.
There's an emptiness that I can't describe. Everything reminds me of her. She was in our lives for 7 years which seems like forever but not enough at the same time. When we go to bed I can still hear her crawl under and scratch her spot. This morning I waited to hear her crawl back out and shake like she did every morning. I can still hear her and see her everywhere. All of my typical coping mechanisms aren't working, there's not enough chocolate ice cream or Chipotle in the world that will make me feel better even for just a moment. I have this longing to just go home to Texas but there are so many memories of Pearl there it's no longer comforting. I know some people will think that she was "just a dog" and not understand how much we loved her, she was so much more to us. She was our sweet Pearlgirl.
Anyway, yesterday was finally the day she went in for an MRI and was one of the darkest days in my life. She was scheduled for an MRI and a spinal tap at 1pm so we got to the vet early so we could see her and hold her before everything and it turns out they could get her in early. I was thankful because we'd finally have answers. It was exactly one week since her cluster seizures and 3 days after her 7th birthday. Of course, looking back I wish we would've had more time with her beforehand because that would be the last time we saw her awake. We anticipated that it would take a while because MRIs are not fast and neither are spinal taps but after only an hour and half we got the call to come back in. I knew that meant it was either really good or really bad. I prepared for the worst but I don't think there was anything I could do to prepare for THIS news. Dr. O'Neill came informed us that Pearl did, in fact, have a tumor. A glioma in her occipital area that was so large it was causing her brain to herniate which is why she wasn't moving. My worst fear, there was nothing we could do. They brought us back where she was still under anesthesia and we got so sit with her, love on her, and then told her goodbye.
There's an emptiness that I can't describe. Everything reminds me of her. She was in our lives for 7 years which seems like forever but not enough at the same time. When we go to bed I can still hear her crawl under and scratch her spot. This morning I waited to hear her crawl back out and shake like she did every morning. I can still hear her and see her everywhere. All of my typical coping mechanisms aren't working, there's not enough chocolate ice cream or Chipotle in the world that will make me feel better even for just a moment. I have this longing to just go home to Texas but there are so many memories of Pearl there it's no longer comforting. I know some people will think that she was "just a dog" and not understand how much we loved her, she was so much more to us. She was our sweet Pearlgirl.
You brought us so much joy, we love you and miss you sweet girl.
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