Hi, my name is Courtni...
...and I am a food addict. It's a nasty, nasty fact, but it's the truth. I'm sure it doesn't come as a surprise to anyone who's known me for more than a week, but I just had to say it out loud (figuratively). I use food as my comfort, reward, and my stress reliever to name a few. Since about 2010 I would have considered myself sober until this past spring when I relapsed (can you tell we've been watching Intervention?). I worked so hard. I had control of my eating and I never missed a workout. Last winter I even trained for and ran in a half marathon. Just this past January I ran 13.1 miles because I WANTED to. I included everyone in my journey. I was proud of my accomplishment and I loved blogging about it. Well, I'm sure it's been noticed that I haven't been blogging about running and my cheeks in my recent pictures are noticeably chubbier. I truly feel like all the hard work I put into the last 4 years of my life has been completely wasted. I've tried to start running again and though I can make the distance (about 3.5 miles) it is so slow and so much harder than I remember it being. I feel like I'm starting from scratch and it is so discouraging. My last run before this month was in June. So, relatively 4 months of being sedentary and eating like crap has almost completely undone 4 years of work. I feel so defeated...by myself.
I haven't made some revelation that's got me back on track. I have started running again...very slowly, and not as consistently, but it's happening. I've also made a pretty big commitment that I'm not brave enough to admit on here just yet, ha! So there's movement in the right direction.
One of the main reasons I started this blog was to help keep me accountable in my quest to run a half marathon/live healthily. The fact that I've been backsliding has been weighing on me pretty heavily. Even though I know my weight is NOT something y'all think about on a daily basis, it IS something I think about, and in my mind it has been the elephant in the room for four months now. I'm hoping that admitting my mistakes and getting this out in the open can be therapeutic and help me to move forward with my health and fitness goals I made so long ago.
I'm not fishing for obligatory compliments or anything like that, I just honestly wanted to let y'all know where I'm at. And I also wanted to say that I'm working on it, and that's it's very, very hard. If you've ever struggled with weight before in your life, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
So, thanks for listening. I know I promised an update on where we're going next but it'd require a weird segue so maybe I'll just save it for another post. :)
I haven't made some revelation that's got me back on track. I have started running again...very slowly, and not as consistently, but it's happening. I've also made a pretty big commitment that I'm not brave enough to admit on here just yet, ha! So there's movement in the right direction.
One of the main reasons I started this blog was to help keep me accountable in my quest to run a half marathon/live healthily. The fact that I've been backsliding has been weighing on me pretty heavily. Even though I know my weight is NOT something y'all think about on a daily basis, it IS something I think about, and in my mind it has been the elephant in the room for four months now. I'm hoping that admitting my mistakes and getting this out in the open can be therapeutic and help me to move forward with my health and fitness goals I made so long ago.
I'm not fishing for obligatory compliments or anything like that, I just honestly wanted to let y'all know where I'm at. And I also wanted to say that I'm working on it, and that's it's very, very hard. If you've ever struggled with weight before in your life, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
So, thanks for listening. I know I promised an update on where we're going next but it'd require a weird segue so maybe I'll just save it for another post. :)
One...or four months of setbacks...whichever... :)
Oh Courtni... I could've written this myself. I go through the same struggle with running. I was doing so well when I lived right on the beach but I'm in Vegas now and have used the hot weather and the less-than-pedestrian-friendly streets as a paltry excuse and devolved into eating horribly processed foods. One day I'm determined that I will run consistently and stick with it for more than three months before falling out of it for some dumb reason and having to start from scratch again months later. I suffer from a really "all or nothing" mentality that has both served me well and terribly in life and I blame that mindset for my defeatist attitude. It's so painful for me to start over again, but it really is a natural anti-depressant for me so I know I need to just do it. Thanks for sharing your struggles and giving me some inspiration.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! Thank you for your comment. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. I thought I was passed messing up and starting over, which is probably why I let myself skip those first few workouts. My husband and I lived in Vegas for a few months and we ended up getting a LVAC membership, the one we went to actually had a track to run on. That's how we beat the heat. It was way more tolerable than a treadmill for sure, but not as fun as outside.
DeleteWe've done it before and we can do it again! We just have to get our shoes on and get out the door!